I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
