Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
