if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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