how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i've created a new STD.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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