Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
