He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
