You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sext me about skeletons
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
