can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this beer tastes like vomit already
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
