If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
