I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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