apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
