And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize