i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
