as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
