only you would photoshop your dick
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
