Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
