my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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