Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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