Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
