If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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