a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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