You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
