I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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