i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
