His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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