Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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