Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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