I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
