I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
did you just send me my own nude
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
