i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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