I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
