haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
