sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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