what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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