hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
