Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
