Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
