great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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