never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
