using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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