I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
