Can Purell be used as lube?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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