i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize