her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
