..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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