just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
