Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize