I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So much Jack, so little girl.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
