I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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