Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
