yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
