I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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