best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
