do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He felt like a one man threesome
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize