Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
