I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
