It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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