So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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