Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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