I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
