get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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