pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
