I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
