have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
