I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
