Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
