he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
