As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You work out of a Hotel?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
