They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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