Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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