i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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