Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
