one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize